Don't you dare pretend this is going to be hard on me. Like fuck. Im so much stronger than this, than you. Its taken me an hour or so to grasp this concept, but I'm so there now. Right now I'm thinking of completely withdrawing myself from you. The best part of this plan is firstly that I know this is possible. I'm so much stronger than you; last time this happened I could of cut myself off completely, its just I didn't want to and lets face it, neither did you. This time, I want to. I want to see how well you survive without me..
Last time you couldn't last a day. This time, I give you two. That's only really because I won't see you until up town on Saturday night, and after not seeing me for two days, Im going to be wearing the dress you love .. and grinding against any man I can lay a finger on. I'll grind against any woman too- because I know how insane it will make you. I will wait for you to join me on the dancefloor, and lay my finger on the place that drives you insane -- and then I'll walk to some other guy. Because I'll be allowed to. And I know you might try it on with another girl. You dare and I'll go straight to your best mate, and I hope it hurts as much as you made me hurt earlier.
And the best part of all this? I know if you take two, three... four days to make up your mind, and you decide this isnt what you want, it won't destroy me. I'm so over men ruining my life, I'm over crying over what to do, I'm over losing faith in myself, who I am, what I want to be, over a bunch of shitheads who think they have the right to mess with peoples minds.
And now I'm sat here thinking about how much I don't need you. How much you depend on me, and how independent I am, how much I have going for me, and how much you need the stability I offer. How little you actually do for me - you drive me around, sure, but who pays for the petrol? Most importantly, I have my own car, if I need to get anywhere, I can drive (and better than you -- ouch, bet that hurt). I buy your food. You practically live at my house for nothing, I give you petrol money, I pay for everything. It doesn't bother me because I love knowing that I don't depend on you, and this is why I'm feeling so good about this right now.
If you want to walk away from this, fine, do it. No skin of my nose. I hope you find a few more sluts to sleep with, maybe notch you up to the twentys. No matter what "Sweetie, you had me". I hope to God none of them know how to scratch your back just enough to make you arch it, bringing their finger down the centre so that you moan. I hope none of them know how to kiss your stomach, to lick around your belly button until you cant stop squirming, then kiss the centre and have you push them away because the feelings too much. I hope to god none of them know how to cook you a full english breakfast, to buy you a lucozade sport (raspberry flavour) and Trident strawberry and lime gum. I hope none of them know what to say to make you smile that cheeky smile, I hope none of them know how to smile back to make you sigh so loud it sounds like you're in heaven. I hope you always regret fucking me around like this.
As a side note, or really not much of a side note, your best friend has fallen for me - which is ironic really, because you said you thought I liked </b>him</b>. Another classic case of you putting the trust in the wrong person, because even though you like to tell me about how hes only a player, he says he could change for me.
So all the massages me and him gave each other, all the jokes about seeing each other late at night - it was never unfounded. All the times you got angry and drove away, you were right. This feels like .... its not revenge, because I know I couldnt - its not happiness because nothings really changed - this feels like.... power. The irony just oozes from that doesnt it? -
How for this entire evening you've made me feel like I'm useless, stupid, rubbish at everything. And all of a sudden its snapped, and I know its the other way around. Maybe I'm a bad person for feeling like this, like I have some sort of power over this whole situation.
You know what? I fucking do. I'm going to make you wish you had never even considered ending this, and I'm going to make you work to get it back. I'm done with feeling like Im in the wrong all the time.
"Don't, don't let it go to your head. Boys like you are dime a dozen-You're a touch overrated, you're a lush and I hate it, but these grass stains on my knees they won't mean a thing. And all I need to know, is that Im something you'll be missing. Maybe I should hate you for this? - Never really did get that far. I'd never lie to you - unless I had to; I'll do what I've got to. The Truth? Is you could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath, I'd apologise for bleeding on your shirt. If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar"