[its a rap, innit. safe bluds]

Its the thought of never seeing you that scares me into this,
wasting every single moment for that one special kiss.
Im just a broken shell of the girl I used to be,
waiting, once more, for you to fall in love with me
Waiting for our love to go back to the start,
for you to tell me youre going to mend this broken heart.
Waiting for you for the fifth and last time,
to gather the courage to say youve changed your mind.
The moments going to happen, of that Im sure..
it better do cos that moment's all im living for.

I wanted to grow to know anything.
I wanted to learn to know everything.
I wanted a house to call my own.
I wanted the wheels to drive me home.
I wanted to progress, to be able to teach.
The sky was the limit I had to reach.

Then you came along,
with your dreams of dust.
You stole my freedom,
You destroyed my trust.

I'm lost without love or a place to call home;
Because you caught my dreams, and you made them your own.

Yes you went and did it,
just like they said.
Kissed another woman,
stayed in my bed.

Told me when I shouted,
louder than ever before.
Told me you were too drunk
to walk or ignore.

Did her lips taste good honey?
Do you regret it at all?
Do you like how you hurt me?
And made me feel so small?

The problem is that four letter word
I just cant run away-
Im truly, madly deeply in,
so of course I will stay.

One thing I've learnt honey,
in order to love and live,
We must never forget,
but always forgive.

Grab the book nearest to you. Turn to the last page and use the last line of the story in your own work.


"Which only goes to show that, clever as I am, I remain just as big a fool as anyone else"
-The Tales of Beedle the Bard, JK Rowling.

Ever since I can remember its always been said,
I have no common sense, but an intelligent head.

Give me a mathmatical equation or a classical book,
dont ask me to understand why you give her that look.

So when I found out you cheated, I said I'd take you back,
because I love you is all I know, and that is that.

I know its likely you'll do it again, thats what you do.
Thats the dickhead I fell in love with, thats just you.

It goes to show clever as I am, It really cant be helped
I'm just as big a fool as anyone else.

Here's another writing exercise that I found fun but hard to do. Play with alliteration. Choose a sound and see how many times you can repeat it in whatever you are writing. The trick is not how many repetitions you can get but how not to go overboard and keep it interesting and readable. Good luck!


Beauty is only skin deep honey,
But why her? Why the
Beautiful one, with the tiny little
butt, small haircut, jeans
boot cut.

Baby, why hurt me so,
Bathe in the glory that you know- how her lips taste;
berrys, I'd imagine,
bloody
berries,
bet you loved it.
but do you regret it?

Baby, why did you have to
break this
bond? These lips may not rest on that
beautiful face, with the small haircut and the
berry taste-
But they were yours to have honey,

Now there just a waste.




______

I went for the "buh" sound, dont know if that came off with the structure...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v635/lady_aduial/n10207061_39377088_4949.jpg


We saw that orange haze on our way to the land of dreams.
We told each other we'd watch it from the hotel balcony.
But it took too long to get there, some mix up on the way.
By the time we had got there the sun had set on that day.

And we woke up to the reality of a world with no light.
We didn't just lose the sunset,
we lost each other that night.

Two posts ago,
I was right,
he lasted two days.

I made the mistake,
of falling in love with him.

Now he wants a week,
and im not strong enough.

Help me, ...
Here come the words.

Two past prompts;

wicked
perfect.


_____

Go on honey,
say you don't love me-
... not anymore.
Thats wicked,
because you're perfect
The one I'm breathing for.

Don't you dare pretend this is going to be hard on me. Like fuck. Im so much stronger than this, than you. Its taken me an hour or so to grasp this concept, but I'm so there now. Right now I'm thinking of completely withdrawing myself from you. The best part of this plan is firstly that I know this is possible. I'm so much stronger than you; last time this happened I could of cut myself off completely, its just I didn't want to and lets face it, neither did you. This time, I want to. I want to see how well you survive without me..

Last time you couldn't last a day. This time, I give you two. That's only really because I won't see you until up town on Saturday night, and after not seeing me for two days, Im going to be wearing the dress you love .. and grinding against any man I can lay a finger on. I'll grind against any woman too- because I know how insane it will make you. I will wait for you to join me on the dancefloor, and lay my finger on the place that drives you insane -- and then I'll walk to some other guy. Because I'll be allowed to. And I know you might try it on with another girl. You dare and I'll go straight to your best mate, and I hope it hurts as much as you made me hurt earlier.

And the best part of all this? I know if you take two, three... four days to make up your mind, and you decide this isnt what you want, it won't destroy me. I'm so over men ruining my life, I'm over crying over what to do, I'm over losing faith in myself, who I am, what I want to be, over a bunch of shitheads who think they have the right to mess with peoples minds.

And now I'm sat here thinking about how much I don't need you. How much you depend on me, and how independent I am, how much I have going for me, and how much you need the stability I offer. How little you actually do for me - you drive me around, sure, but who pays for the petrol? Most importantly, I have my own car, if I need to get anywhere, I can drive (and better than you -- ouch, bet that hurt). I buy your food. You practically live at my house for nothing, I give you petrol money, I pay for everything. It doesn't bother me because I love knowing that I don't depend on you, and this is why I'm feeling so good about this right now.

If you want to walk away from this, fine, do it. No skin of my nose. I hope you find a few more sluts to sleep with, maybe notch you up to the twentys. No matter what "Sweetie, you had me". I hope to God none of them know how to scratch your back just enough to make you arch it, bringing their finger down the centre so that you moan. I hope none of them know how to kiss your stomach, to lick around your belly button until you cant stop squirming, then kiss the centre and have you push them away because the feelings too much. I hope to god none of them know how to cook you a full english breakfast, to buy you a lucozade sport (raspberry flavour) and Trident strawberry and lime gum. I hope none of them know what to say to make you smile that cheeky smile, I hope none of them know how to smile back to make you sigh so loud it sounds like you're in heaven. I hope you always regret fucking me around like this.


____

As a side note, or really not much of a side note, your best friend has fallen for me - which is ironic really, because you said you thought I liked </b>him</b>. Another classic case of you putting the trust in the wrong person, because even though you like to tell me about how hes only a player, he says he could change for me.

So all the massages me and him gave each other, all the jokes about seeing each other late at night - it was never unfounded. All the times you got angry and drove away, you were right. This feels like .... its not revenge, because I know I couldnt - its not happiness because nothings really changed - this feels like.... power. The irony just oozes from that doesnt it? -

How for this entire evening you've made me feel like I'm useless, stupid, rubbish at everything. And all of a sudden its snapped, and I know its the other way around. Maybe I'm a bad person for feeling like this, like I have some sort of power over this whole situation.

You know what? I fucking do. I'm going to make you wish you had never even considered ending this, and I'm going to make you work to get it back. I'm done with feeling like Im in the wrong all the time.



"Don't, don't let it go to your head. Boys like you are dime a dozen-You're a touch overrated, you're a lush and I hate it, but these grass stains on my knees they won't mean a thing. And all I need to know, is that Im something you'll be missing. Maybe I should hate you for this? - Never really did get that far. I'd never lie to you - unless I had to; I'll do what I've got to. The Truth? Is you could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath, I'd apologise for bleeding on your shirt. If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar"

This ones here.

Smells, and memories.

Do you have a scent that when you smell it, brings up a memory? Do share.
Two conversing ones; The smell of a particular facewash brings up memories of a camping holiday I went on, and the guy I was in love with then. I hate him now, so I dont use that face wash. Whenever my boyfriend is round and goes home, he leaves his smell on my pillows, and when I'm asleep and roll over I can smell him, I think about the time I spent with him and it makes me fall asleep happy :)

Songs. Is there a particular song that brings back happy memories? Song title and memory, if you care to share that much.
The Rasmus,In the Shadows reminds me of a time when I didn't care about the world and was just living life as a kid.

How about a song that brings up painful memories? Song title and memory, if you care to share that much.
Hard-Fi's Stronger I listened to it ever damn day when my first love told me it was "Our Song". Now when it comes on randomly on shuffle it makes me want to burst into tears or, more likely, be physically sick. I don't listen to it anymore.


Food. Is there a certain food that conjures up memories?
When I eat Salt and Vinegar snack a jacks it reminds me of my GCSEs. I used to walk into town after an exam, go to boots and get a meal deal with snack a jacks. I enjoyed the freedom of doing it I did it all through exams now every time I smell one it reminds me of back then!


Clothing? Do you have an item of clothing or if you see a certain item, does it make you think of a time/place or person?
Took me a while to think of this one. I have this really old (I'm talking maybe ten years) jumper that I used to take camping. I used to put it on in the evening when we were playing cards, it reminds me of the days when I used to have a family, and happiness. It reminds me of my mum smiling. Thankfully, it still fits.

I found this community, thefridayfive that asks five questions a week, thought Id do this old one. Ill be doing them every week now! :]

1. If you were to die today, what would your last words be? I hope I'm remembered for something.
2. What would you want your epitaph to say? If she would have lived a little longer, she would have proved you wrong.
3. What song would you want played at your funeral? Always by Bon Jovi
4. In lieu of flowers, what should loved ones do in your honor? Not dress in black, I do that too much already! And read one of my top ten books, so that I prove them wrong (As explained in number 2)
5. What unfinished business would you wrap up? Well if I hadnt had children I'm guessing I still can't do that? I'd go see my great nan, who I still havent seen.

1. Favourite Book? Pride and Prejudice
2. Favourite Author? William Shakespeare (Playwright, same thing)
3. Favourite Genre? Classics or Thriller
4. Favourite series of books? Harry Potter, for my childhood
5. Favourite Illustrator? Quentin Blake ^^
6. Favourite book from when you were little? Very little - The Hungry Caterpillar
7. Favourite Hero? Heroine, Lizzie Bennett
8. Favourite Villian? Claudius!
9. Favourite couple? Liz and Mr Darcy
10. Favourite Character? Hamlet

5 Lasts

1. Last book you bought? The boy in the striped pyjamas, John Boyne
2. Last book you were given? The edible woman, Margaret Atwood
3. Last book you pre-ordered? Ages ago! The last Harry Potter book!
4. Last book you loved? Persuasion :] - Austen
5. Last book you hated? I dont think I've ever really hated a book!

3 dos

1.Do you read part of your current book every day? Yup, every night
2. Do you stick to one genre of books or do you jump around? I make myself jump around
3. Do you review all the books you read on LJ? I have started to

1 If
1. If you were stuck on a desert island and could only take one book with you, which book would you choose? Pride and Prejudice, I could read it over and over again forever!



Once you've answered the questions, choose FIVE people on your friends' list to do the quiz as well.

Bonjourno.

This is a small note to remind myself;;

Sometimes you know, life is so. damn. good.
So stop stressing.
He loves you, and hes perfect.
You rock at your job, and the managers do know that!
Your family are awesome and funny, even when they annoy you! They're just drunk, let them have their fun!
You may miss your friends to hell, but think how good it will be when you see them!
Your friends are amazing no matter how far away they are.
You have the cutest kitten ever. Look after him.



:] KITTEN PICTURE TIME!!


( MOAR KITTEN PICS )

I'm aching at the thought of leaving you
and im breaking at the thought of seeing you.
because every damn time you hurt me again-
its starting to feel
just
like
him.





Okay, it isn't starting to feel like him. If it EVER started to feel like him, I would poke you with a gigantic pole (perhaps a "Giant poking device"?) til you exploded all over the walls.

But its hurting... and it shouldn't be.

I think I decided today that I need time. I always laughed at the thought of needing "time". I thought it not only cheesy but a little pathetic - and definitely hurtful for the person involved, who has to sit by whilst the other person takes their time... Poor souls.

No, I need space. Breathing space. A chance to rethink, and learn how much I need you. And teach you to realise how much you need me. And if you find you don't, then at least we have a solution. Not the one I wanted, but a solution all the same.

So what i'm saying is, I need time and space.
Maybe I could start a continuum


I need something to tell me all this is worth it, something to tell me I still love you.
You can't miss something til its gone right, so...
I need a break.
A break from us.


.... and the friends references are just flying out of me today.
Perhaps thats because Friends makes me smile, when all I want to do right now is break down and cry.

Thought I'd revamp my journal, and start to use it again.
Because, basically, I haven't used it in ages.

And there's something in releasing all your feelings onto the keyboard.
And convincing yourself no one is able to see it....
... secretly hoping someone has the guts to look.

Its going to be a tough year.
I thought it was going to be relaxing.
Then I realised my plan was to work my bum off to get money for university.
For some reason, I thought this involved little work?
Don't ask.

Things are crazy at the moment. I go for weeks with no day off. Very little sleep.
Its like being back at school.
Maybe, dare I say it, worse?

The best part is the no homework, obviously.
Except I've set myself my own homework - reading.
Mainly.
Like, a lot.

I worked out today why I need new shelves, despite reading so much.
I'm doing a few books a week, perhaps at least.
But I've bought ten books in the last few days.
Output lower than input =
Low shelf space, Room reshuffle required.
Everything is about to be moved around.
I have a shelf alone for my Shakespeare books. This is not enough! He needs room to breathe!
I feel I also need bookends.
....

And more time to read.
That would be nice.



Time.


Anyone like the new layout?
Goes with my new reading plan :] Maybe I shall change it monthly. Maybe I will keep this one because I love him too much. *goes into Mr Darcy daydream*

In other news, 6 months on I'm still with my boyfriend. He may not be Mr Darcy, but he's perfect. Which, I suppose, makes him my Mr Darcy. I couldn't wish for anything more :)

Fuck you.
No, seriously. FUCK YOU.
Fuck this relationship, fuck everything about it, fuck the effort I keep putting in and not getting back, fuck all the crap reasons you attempt to give, fuck this life and the next, just fuck it all.
I'm missing having someone to talk to about all of this.
Fucking hell, if Jenni was here, I wonder if I'd even be able to tell her the truth.
Why?
It embarasses me.
Yes, I feel ashamed and upset at the way youre treating me at the moment, and Im too soft to do anything about it.
Fucking hell, I thought I was so much stronger than this.

Dear you,

Just because we both have tuesdays off, doesnt mean thats the only day we see each other all week. Yes, we see each other at work, but thats not really the same is it? Tonight could have been so awesome - a spontaneous random "lets go out!" sorta moment where we could have had a great laugh with some other awesome people. But no, you're busy. Why? You are going to rest.

YOURE 20 YEARS OLD, NOT 200!!!

For the record, two days off then a 4 hour shift does not warrant a rest, dearest. I give in on a Thursday.... Friday... Saturday.... Sunday - because they are often long hours and yes, rests I can see..... Not that I need a rest (Thats obviously because IM SO FUCKING LAZY... being on the same amount of hours as you and all..... ) on any of those days, but whatever. Just for tonight, it would have been nice.

And I find myself not giving a fuck right now... is that how you want this to be? For the first time in the 4 months weve been together we're going to get the chance to be together on our 4 months... Now that may not be special to you, but it is to me. Im serious about this, I want it to last - despite all the times you drive me insane I love you, I want to be with you. Lets do something special on tuesday? Lets drive somewhere and do something and not do the same old lunch then cinema thing. Lets be spontaneous and romantic, lets spend time together like a proper couple; holding hands and kissing because we're so in love we dont care what other people see.
For fucks sake, Im not asking for a dozen red roses and harp players and magical moments. Im asking for some time. Something. Something to tell me youre still there, trying to make this work - as much as I am. I want to feel that for once youre the giver and im the taker - its always the other way around. I want to see a point in all of this, I want excitement, I want - I just want something more. A little something more, please - it isnt too much to ask.

I love you to hell and back. I want this to work. And I know for that to happen Im going to have to talk to you about this. I so badly want to talk to you about this. But its just so difficult! Youre just not listening half the time- and then when something meaningful or important comes up youre all changing the subject and not really answering the question. Please, please, please, help me work this out. Theres two of us in this relationship, I want to stop feeling like Im the only one.

Laura

Dear driving examiner,

Thankyou for passing me.
And making my life so. much. easier
ilu, old man.

Meee x

Dear best friend,

I love you so fucking much,
so please for one moment,
let me think you give a toss that we wont be seeing each other like, ever, pretty soon.

Me.

Dear ex.

This has to be the best feeling in the world.
I pretended it took a few months...
I'd say it was more a year and a half.
But oh god I'm so over you.
And I love him more than I could ever loved you..
And he loves me back!
Sooo.....
I'm glad I'm being so mature about this....

All i have to say is stfu.

Laterz.

Dear stepdad.

I'll never admit to you that I now love you,
see you as my dad,
and will cry myself to sleep the night you leave.
But its okay,
because this time I'm old enough to understand.
If you dont love each other, whats the point?
The point used to be me and my sister, but I'm almost 18.
We can live without you now.
But, always remember,
that doesnt mean we want to.

Your daughter xxx





Dear friend who cares,

I hope youre reading ;)
Cant wait to meet up when we get the chance.
Love you :]

Me xx





Dear angsty boyfriend.

This is going to be long.
and hard.
Ohh err.

... moving on.

First of all, if we weren't at work today, I would have hit you. And not the playful tap on the arm I normally do, I would have slapped you across the face for what you said to me. You have no right to talk to me like that, I wouldnt let my friends talk to me like that so why should you? I know you were upset and all, but you dont need to take it out on me.
... so why do you? Its every damn time youre mad, why cant you just understand that you can talk to me about it? Today, when you were all angsty... I knew it was because you wanted a break, 6 hours doing what you do isnt easy, and I could have got you a break. Stop being so stubborn and manly and open up for one god damn second and you might realise.
I hope you enjoyed your break and all the sugar you consumed. I hope you fucking realise, at some point, that the only reason you got that damn break was because your dumass of a girlfriend quoted legal bollocks at your naive boss who then gave you a break. I care, damnit. Get used to it.

Secondly, stop getting yourself in a shitter every time Im going out. Learn to deal with the fact that Im young and still want to live my life. Youre only 3 years older than me but sometimes you act like youve done it all - fuck have you. Please come to realise that I want to enjoy my life, but more importantly I want to enjoy it with you. I dont want to be going out, getting drunk, and making out with some random guy on the sofa, thats not me - It never has been, and its not going to change now. I wouldnt mind going out, getting drunk and making out with my boyfriend on some sofa. Maybe that way you would know Im not doing it with someone else.
Trust is so huge to me, but for everytime you make a comment it knocks away the thought that you actually trust me. If you tell me you dont trust me, It wont make me want to prove that youre wrong, more that youre right, just to get back at you. So why dont you prove me wrong this time?

Thirdly, thankyou.
You may wind me up sometimes with all the angst .... you may piss me off with how protective you are, but at least I know you care. Thanks for telling me you care, even if its not that often, its there. Thanks for telling me you love me. And most of all thanks for loving me for who I am, at a point in my life where I was finding it hard to think I was worth loving. You're amazing, and I love you more than I ever have loved another human being (*cough* in that way :P) ....

Yes dear, even more than Johnny Depp.

x

Dear you,

hello twatface.
remember me?
I'm the one sat by the phone waiting for some form of recognition.
I'm the one who said everything you wanted to hear just to save the hassle.
I'm the one who needs you to just tell me everything will be okay.
I'm the one who needs you so much right now.
I'm the one with the empty inbox.

So what the fuck have I done wrong?
I want to call you - but no.
Why should I call you when I havent done anything wrong?
Or, more importantly, why should I call you when you might not answer.
You dont answer - so maybe you havent got your phone on you, right? Maybe its upstairs. Maybe the battery ran out. Yes?
No.
Because its me, you are ignoring me. If i ring you and get no answer, you're ignoring my calls. Yes, yes you are.

And I'm being torn apart by a stupid text message.
It makes me laugh now to think how I used to not really care.
Wow that was good.
Thanks a lot for making me fall in love with you.
twatface.

Argh!
So what now? I sit and get pisseedd off at you til the end of the earth.
For you to reply with "Left my phone upstairs" and me to think thank fuck.
Why?

:(

Please reply now.

No? Thought as much.

A few notes for you;
Dont ever again say nothing will happen. And dont ever again change your mind.
Don't ever again take it out on me.
Don't ever again turn something around on me because you cant handle being wrong.
Dont ever again pretend I wanted it that way.
Dont ever again pretend that you didn't
Dont ever again put me in this position.
Do answer the phone if I gather the courage to ring you.

What hurts the most is I know you're going to do every damn one of those things again.
And I'm so in love with you I'll do nothing about it.
(But remember I said there will be a point when I'll just give up)
(Dont let that happen)

Love you.
Love, me x

Okay. Lets explore why everything is wrong.

1] exams. still going. never ending.
seriously.
and just so much in my head D: and i should be revising so much more than I am! Im so bad D:
all my exams so far have gone well. but for me that normally means failure.
so yeah.

2] men. are all twatfaces.
i love him.
yup. but hes a twat.
sometimes he winds me up so much. siriusly.
argh!

3] my hair
its black. but theres no red in it yet.
because i have to get it done at the hairdressers, obv.
yeah. so a week with just black hair.

4] friends.
not all of them.
some of them.
... one of them.
Argh!
some people just
argh... get to me!
seriously.
FFS.
The world does not revolve around you!
ARRGGGHHHH. D:
Thats all i can say.



Help, someone?